Saturday, December 25, 2010

Day 11 aka Christmas Day

Let's talk about the great things-

1. The original and best Christmas present ever- Jesus.  Even though I'm not feeling the Christmas spirit much this year, I'm still forever grateful for that little baby born in a stable who grew up to die on the cross for my sins. 
2. My family- especially my children and husband.  Chris and Hunter came up right away this morning.  Although Hunter picked this morning to sort of sleep in- which was good for Chris but I was up at 6:30 and was ready for them to be here then too! We all had breakfast together and then opened gifts.  Hunter got a few toys, a stocking cap & mittens, some treats in stocking and a really cool camouflage baseball hat as well as a new book, "The Story of Jesus."  Daddy got a telescoping hiking stick, a book on day hikes in our area, a shirt, two cd's (Matthew West & Tenth Avenue North) and of course candy in his stocking.  Mama got the Klove Ultimate Hits cd and a beautiful Mommy and Me picture frame with a picture of Hunter and I (not the most flattering picture of Mama either...). 
3. Extended family.  Both of Chris' parents (divorced) came up to see me (separately) at the hospital today.  It was nice to have them visit for awhile.
4. Certainly not the least of this list- 25w 1d!  Everyday baby stays inside growing bigger is a gift from God.  And even while I may be a bit down about being in the hospital- especially at Christmas- I do realize, appreciate and treasure each day that Little Brother stays put. 

Now I wish I could stop there, but I'm having a fairly rough afternoon, and what is a blog for other than to write about how I'm feeling- well at least that is part of what MY blog is for....

I was doing great- while my family was here.  I always anticipated (and insisted) that Chris and Hunter should go to his mom's to eat today.  I guess I just thought that they were just going to go have dinner and come back.  Not so...  Chris' mom, step-dad and youngest siblings came up and brought a couple gifts but not all of Hunter's or Chris'.  I had anticipated that they would bring all gifts for our family-  so I could see my son open his gifts- and so that they (Chris/Hunter) wouldn't be expected to be there (at his mom's) all afternoon to open gifts.  **sigh**  Earlier this week Chris' mom had even offered to take Hunter home with her when they came up and then Chris could come down for dinner, but wouldn't have to leave me alone all afternoon.  So we decided to let her take Hunter so she could feed him lunch and maybe he could get a nap... And Chris was going to stay up here for awhile, but then his Mom says, "Well don't wait too long to come down, I want to open gifts before we eat."  :(  And I can't help it, but I'm sad to be here alone on Christmas  and I really didn't anticipate that Chris and/or Hunter would both be gone so long.  I'm just hoping that they do eat at his mom's soon and come back.  In the meantime, it's possible my sister might come up for a little while but honestly it's my husband and son I want to be with the most. 

Anyway, so that's my not so happy Christmas story... probably a little selfish, but weekends are the only time I get to see Chris and Hunter for more than an hour a day- and some days I don't see Hunter, and some days I don't see Chris during the week.  But I guess at least my morning was great, right?  Hopefully they won't end up stuck at his mom's until it's time to put Hunter to bed, because then I'll be super sad. 

I'm missing Morgan today a little extra than usual too.  I think it might have to do with ornaments.  Chris and I got ornaments for Hunter and for Morgan.  They are little snowman who's "stomachs" are light up snow globes.  They have the names monogramed right on them.  And I as I watched Hunter opening his ornament from grandma (Chris' mom) I realized that no one but us got anything for Morgan/in memory of Morgan this year.  It makes me sad even though I honestly don't expect nor would I ask it of any of my family to get something for her.  I wish they would think of her- even if it's just making a donation to something in her memory- Toys for Tots, an Angel Tree program at their church- or buying an angel ornament for their tree or ours- but something.  Obviously it wouldn't mean very much if I had to ask them to do it, therefore I just don't say anything.  I know no one intentionally forgets her but it can be wierd to see how they do remember her in some ways sometimes but completely forget her at other times.  Chris' mom counts her when she numbers her grandchildren but refused a picture when offered one and instead has Morgan's funeral card in a picture frame.  My mom has a picture of Morgan- I think it's in her bedroom- but doesn't "count" Morgan when talking about her grandchildren.  In particular when I was last visiting we were out for breakfast and she was talking about my brother expecting a baby and she say, yep number 2 and even the person she was talking to said, oh, I thought you had another one. After a moment my mom did say, Oh, well Anna had a little girl but she didn't live.  I let it go, but thought- gee mom, if I didn't live would you tell everyone you only ever had 2 children then??  But being as far down the "grief road" as I am, I was able to let go of it- well mostly, because I'm obviously talking about it now :).  My Nana lets balloons go on the anniversary of Morgan's due date, but gave my husband a "First Father's Day" card this year.  My sister in law wore one of the March for Babies team shirts on Morgan's birthday, had cake with us but looked at the white Angel stocking and thought it might be "little brothers" stocking not Morgans.  Anyway, I wish someone would remember her this year.  One lucky thing is I'm blessed with several nurses here who "get it."  As a matter of fact my nurse this evening has had 3 friends lose babies and her sister as well.  So she is a proud Aunty of an angel and she really gets it.  Her eyes definitely tear up when we start talking about Morgan/her nephew etc. 

Well, my sister is here so I'm going to end my post here. 

Hope everyone is having a great and Merry Christmas. 


  1. Hello. My name is Susan and I just started reading your blog a little while ago. I found you through Ebe's blog. Anyway, I'm so sorry about your sad moments today. I totally understand your sadness about your mother in law and not getting to see your husband & son open their gifts on Christmas! You have every right to feel lonely in your hospital room! I was just saying to my husband yesterday about what an incredible mother to be so selfless in doing bed rest for such a long time. I can't even imagine how lonely it is for you! When I was having my 2nd and 3rd babies, I missed my guy(s) at home desperately! To not get to see them, even for a couple of days was so hard!

    Anyway, this is getting long. I just wanted to lurk no more and tell you I'm here reading and thinking about you and praying for you!

    I hope your husband and son did get to come back to the hospital tonight!

    God Bless!

  2. Thank you Susan! Your kind and encouraging words help enormously. And they did get to come back for awhile. :)