Monday, December 13, 2010

Bed Rest: Week 3

3 weeks of bed rest down!  Friday will be the 24 week gestation mark which = viability.  Not that there is anything close to a guarantee that early (not that there are ever guarantees), but at least there is a chance right?  We'll see tomorrow if anything has changed. 

So let's see- week three in review...  My mom was here (just left this morning) which was awesome.  She was a great help and it was so nice to get to see her.  She had a nice time spending time with her grand son and she got to be here for his official 1st birthday AND his birthday party yesterday, which was nice.  Having her here made the week go really fast- which was good and bad too.  Good because it brings us farther along in this pregnancy and bad because it feels like she left way too soon!  But since she lives 5.5 hours away she needed to get home to her stuff (like taking care of the foot or so of snow waiting for her!).  Obviously Hunter's birthday was also last week- seriously can not believe he is one... and that is about it for last weeks news. 

Well there is one more piece of "news" from this morning...  Hunter is having his first overnight away from Mama.  He's been away from Daddy before, but never from me/both of us.  His other grandma (Chris' mom) who lives about 20 minutes away is watching him today and tomorrow at her house (so she can get stuff done) instead of here so she asked if he could stay over.  Let me tell you this Mama is absolutely not ready for this.  But I'm forcing myself to allow it because it's quite possible that it will need to happen sooner rather than later if I ended up in the hospital on bed rest or when we go to deliver little brother.  If it were up to me it would be a long time before he spent the night away from me.  I know it's probably a good thing or so many parents say (and especially my mom etc) because if he never spends the night away from me and something happens that forces it when he's even older- then it will be even harder on him but still... I am not ready.  When my mother in law called to ask this morning Chris handed me the phone (with no warning on what she wanted!) and I was just about speechless.  I mentioned that he didn't sleep very well last night due to a little cold (probably hoping this would deter her from wanting him overnight!) and then told her Chris phone was dying (it really was) and I'd call her back from my phone.  I got off the phone and started bawling!  Even though I agreed to it, I had to have Chris call her back while I sobbed with my head under a blanket.  An hour later when I called to tell my aunt (who I knew would "get it") that Hunter was having his first night away from me I started bawling again.  I am really not ready for this step, but don't feel like I have a choice.  :(   Worst part of it is it's not like he's going there today and coming home tomorrow morning- he's leaving around 12:30 today and won't be back until after dinner tomorrow!!!  so like 30+ hours.  :(  Now I'm going to cry again.

Speaking of crying, I had another "crabby/emotional day" yesterday.  **sigh** I wish I could say I was accepting and dealing with the bed rest with a cheery positive attitude all the time- which if nothing else I should at least not be crabby towards those who are helping me/taking care of Hunter- but I often fail at the positive/peaceful attitude. Bed rest is hard.  I think it's harder at home than it was in the hospital.  At home I can see what needs to be done- at the hospital the hardest thing was being lonely even though I wasn't ever alone for long because of the nurses, but I was certainly lonely for my husband not to mention I went from spending 4-8 hours a day 5-6 days a week with some awesome co-workers to mostly seeing nurses (albeit great nurses) periodically  all day long.   But this time I think bed rest would really suck in the hospital because I'd barely see Hunter.  But bed rest is made even harder right now by watching my son become clingy to his daddy.  He's never been necessarily a "mama's boy" or "daddy's boy" although there were certain things I could always get him to do better- like take a bottle, nap... but now he clings to daddy when he's tired or upset.  Put him up on the couch by me and he just climbs down.  :(  Don't get me wrong- I love the bond that they have, I'm just missing the bond the he and I had.  I get to watch him put his arms around daddy's neck or even grandma's neck, but not around mine because I'm not down on the floor playing with him, or picking him up and carrying him.  It's quite sad.  Part of me feels super guilty for feeling unhappy about any of this.  I mean, everything I'm doing I'm doing because I want the healthiest start for "little brother" and because I know how it feels to have a baby die.  And while bed rest guarantees nothing- it's what I can do- upon doctor's orders.  So what right do I have to be sad, crabby, unhappy?  I should be grateful, I should be graceful in doing this, I should "glory in my sufferings" as "suffering produces perseverance" (see Romans 5).  So my goal this week is to maintain a more positive attitude- and at the very least stop being crabby with my husband!  We'll see how I do.  I  know one key is to turn to my bible more during my rough emotional times as well as turn to the Lord in prayer more too.  So bring on week 4 of bed rest....

Well that is all for today-  but I will hopefully be posting a short u/s & dr appt update tomorrow from my couch.

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