It's been a sad day. I started off Gage's birthday with a trip to the hospital (to return the breast pump). I managed not to bawl my eyes out but it was close. As soon as I walked in the hospital I was tearing up and I had a hard time making myself get off the elevator on the third floor. The steps into the birthing center to return the breast pump were really tough and I think if I would've seen one of our nurse or doctor friends I would have lost it. But while there were familiar faces around, were none familiar enough to give me that push over the edge into bawling. I did get to chat with "our social worker" for awhile and she made the walk down to the NICU with me to try to say hi to one of the NICU nurses who ended up not being available. So I (sort of) visited Gage's "home" on his birthday which was sad, hard and nice all at once.
I also made some (sort of) decisions about my Usborne Books & More business I had started doing in October of last year. My heart is not totally in it anymore (or maybe it's just not right now?) but I have two months left before I would have to start paying for my website and my ordering program. Neither cost is huge but if I'm not going to do it it's not worth paying for. Therefore even though I'm so not ready to go "back to work" in a sense- I'm going to make myself at least try to get some shows booked in February/March and see if I still want to continue it.
So while I was thinking of the business I decided since I have two months of the website still available that why not use it/ my Usborne Books business to help raise money in memory of my babies?? So I'm putting my profits from any sales made through a two month long eShow towards the March for Babies and entering all those who make a purchase into a drawing for a free book. I got pretty excited when I thought of that. I don't know if I'll make much off the idea but our team goal is $2000 ($1000 in memory of each baby) and I'd love to raise more too- so any little bit I can put toward it will help. We've done a pretty good job of meeting/exceeding our goal for the March for Babies the past two years (due much to our family and friends who walk/raise money with us). Now that we have another baby to remember/honor/miss (and one who allowed us time to know a little of what it's like to travel the NICU road too) we really want to do as much as we can to support the March of Dimes so maybe some other parents can benefit from the education provided/research done.
So if anyone knows someone interested in buying some (awesome in my opinion) children's books the link is: www.ubah.com/HOS192623. Again all purchasers through this link will get entered into a raffle for a free book (which I can ship within the United States) and my profits will go towards our March for Babies team goal.
So while today was pretty sad, I feel better having "done" something in Gage's (and Morgan's) memory. I think my 2 month birthday goal is going to be to bring some baked goods up to the NICU and OB nurses/staff in appreciation for everything they did for us.