Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Blissful Innocence

As previously mentioned I have a number of Facebook friends who are pregnant- and some of these have other Facebook friends who comment on their statuses (and weekly belly pics) who are also pregnant... Most of these ladies are blocked from my news feed but in true lack of self control (and wanting to make sure they are still doing okay) I now and then have to take a peek at what's going on.  So much pregnancy innocence...  (most of the time not in a bad way) and tonight's peek just made me long for that.  My last two pregnancies I spent the first trimester and good portions of the second trimester (with Hunter I did not "open up" about the pregnancy until I was on bed rest at 25 weeks) trying to avoid the subject of me being pregnant.  I distinctly remember when I was pregnant with Hunter having to go to a work meeting at our corporate office where nearly no one knew I was pregnant and doing my best to hide my 23 or 24 week pregnant belly.  Not being thin to begin with it was not easy but I managed to make it out of there without having to tell anyone or being asked any questions.  With Gage I think I relaxed a little and talked a bit more a little earlier since I had had one "successful" pregnancy.  My blissful innocence (only marred by my normal "worrying" tendencies rather than fully knowing what could happen) lasted a mere 21 weeks (less if you consider that I didn't find out until I was 5 weeks along and even then ended up with a few worrisome weeks of bleeding early on).  So let's say 14... I had 14 weeks of complaining about my all day sickness, wishing time would move faster so I could meet my baby, being "proud" of the size of my belly, worrying about weight gain, thinking that I would for sure be leaving the hospital with a baby, of not being afraid to tell anyone at all I was pregnant for fear of having to tell them the baby died... and the list goes on.

**sigh** Blissful innocence how I miss you.

1 comment:

  1. OH, me too, Anna. Me too. I miss all the blissful innocence and ignorance (as bad as that sounds) of life when our babies hadn't died.

    love you,