Monday, January 10, 2011

The rest of Gage's story...

Finally after nearly an hour of sitting in the waiting room at Children's Hospital we were brought back to see our little guy.  As soon as we were back by him and the staff was talking to us I relaxed a bit regarding the switching of hospitals.  Everyone was forthcoming with information and just as nice as our previous staff (though I will always be partial to our original hospital and staff).  Some surgery staff came in almost right away to talk to us.  They told us Gage was a very sick little boy.  We could see that his stomach was very swollen and bruised looking and they quickly wiped away my previous understanding of "air being in the abdomen" and replaced it with the fact that there was a tear in his intestines, and the contents of his bowel was basically what was now in his abdominal cavity.  Because of this his little body was already fighting major infection.  The surgeon was debating on whether to insert a tube to drain his abdomen or open him up to see how bad the damage was to his bowel. There were a couple of possibilities- either the medication he was getting for his heart had caused a small tear or he had NEC which could mean some to all of his bowel was "dead."  If it was all dead there would be nothing they could do.  After explaining this all to us, the surgical team left to decide on which course to take.  Upon coming back they informed us they decided to do the full surgery and see what was going on. If he survived the surgery he was still going to be really sick for quite some time.

Once the OR was ready they took Gage back.  Over the course of the next couple of hours one of the staff called out a couple of times to update us that they were still working on trying to get a central line in.  Around 8pm Chris and I were getting settled into a parents sleep room and I went to go grab our stuff out of the locker in Gage's pod when the neonatal fellow found me and said he wanted to talk.  I went upstairs and got Chris.  I knew it couldn't be good news since we hadn't even been notified that they had started surgery yet.

They took us into a little conference room and started telling us about what was going on.  They couldn't get a central line in Gage.  While they were trying his abdomen showed signs of internal bleeding and they ended up opening him up to see what was going on.  In opening him up the discovered while his bowel looked very very sick it wasn't dead and there was a small tear in the intestine.  But his blood was so thin they couldn't get him to stop bleeding internally and they couldn't give him enough blood to keep up with what he was losing.  They felt strongly that they would be doing more harm than good to continue.  Chris and I made the hardest decision to say goodbye and stop his suffering.

They kept him comfortable while we notified family in the area so they could come say goodbye to our little fighter.  Once the family had said goodbye and left we were able to hold him and say our goodbyes as he went home to Jesus.

It's taken me all these days to be able to even write the rest of his story here.  I think this is the only place I'm writing the end of his story here.  Although I don't really think it's the "end" as I hope good things will come of his short life.  There are so many emotions and so many posts I've almost started but right now I just can't put into words how I feel.  One day soon I hope I can be ready to write about how I'm feeling. 

7 comments:

  1. Please know that I am praying for you and your family and will continue to in the days, weeks, months to come. I know that one loss is devastating, two...I can't begin to imagine. I am so sorry you are here again. There are no words just many, many prayers.
    John 14:27
    Jennifer Hill

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  2. thank you for sharing gage's story with us. i have thought of his little face often since hearing the terrible news of his passing. i am so very sorry.

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  3. I'm sitting here in tears thinking about you and Chris, Gage and Morgan and Hunter... I'm so sorry.

    Many many prayers and so much love being sent your way.
    love,
    ebe

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  4. Praying for you and your family

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  5. Dear Anna and Chris,

    I am friends of Ebe's. I am so sorry for your loss of precious Gage and Morgan. We lost our son samuel full term 2 years ago. While all losses are different, my heart breaks for your family. I am praying for your family, that the lord would be so close to you and carry you through this time! My prayers and heart are with you. I grew up in brookfield, so I am very familiar with where you live...

    Praying for you all!

    Sara

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  6. May Jesus walk beside you and hold you in every minute of this heartbreaking journey. I'm so so sorry.

    Stelle

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  7. Thanks for sharing the rest of his story with us. I'm sure it was hard to write but not as living through it. I have been praying, and will continue to, that God would walk close to you and Chris, even carry you, in these days and the ones ahead. That you would feel His peace and that He would bring comfort to your broken hearts. Thinking of you and saying a special prayer for his service tonight.

    Love and (((HUGS))).
    Tonya

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