Unfinished Posts

I can't seem to find the right words these days to write about anything.  In the past three months there are nearly a dozen posts that I've started and not finished.  But it feels worse over the past couple weeks.
 
I couldn't finish a post on how Hunter swallowing a penny got us stay at Children's Hospital, the hospital where Gage died and how the whole experience sent me into a huge emotional upheaval. (Hunter is doing fine, don't worry.)

I couldn't finish a post on how I'm feeling about April these days- specifically this first week of April.

I couldn't put into words how I felt on April 1st- the 2nd anniversary of Morgan's due date.

I can't really find the words tonight to write much about Gage's due date tomorrow... Sad... that about sums it up. 

Missing this little boy.  Sad he's not being born now.  Equally sad that since he was already born 3 months ago I'm not bringing him home from the NICU now. 

I believe wholeheartedly that he is safe in Heaven with Jesus (playing with his sister and many friends) and that Heaven is a much better place to be than here on earth.  But yet I still want him here in my arms.